04 Jan Alchemizing fear into courage
As I lie here on a mat on the floor, flat on my stomach because of sciatica, I am reminded that this setback, like all others that came before it, are a perfect opportunity to test my mettle.
I first decided I wanted to start blogging, several years ago, but long before I ever published a post, I was secretly writing. It’s what you call Journaling. It was writing for my own sake. To practice writing, yes, but more importantly, to get thoughts out of my head and into some form of expression.
I like my privacy, I enjoy writing just for me, but I knew if I really wanted to test my writing skills, I had to unleash them out into the world somehow. I was afraid.
Since I’ve been incapacitated by sciatica for the past few weeks, I’ve been forced to do things that I can accomplish lying down on my back, or standing up. I can’t drive or sit for very long and so I have been engaging in more intellectual pursuits that I can do by myself. Reading, studying, and especially, writing. I am realizing that I really, really love it. I have never entertained the idea of ever writing professionally, except in my dreams, and only after a long list of other things I want to accomplish.
A Writer Emerges
Blogging gives me the opportunity to reach out in a way I never thought possible. It’s still scary, but it’s so incredibly liberating! I don’t know how many people I’m going to reach and perhaps touch in some way, but I am not really attached to the outcome of any of this creative effort. I just love creating. It feels wonderful to be candid and to express my opinions and ideas.
I’m interested in writing about becoming spiritually awakened and what it means to live a conscious life. My mind has been broadened by some very interesting and magical information and it has expanded my awareness. I want to share the many mystical experiences I’ve had on this spiritual path because they were Boodeful. I’m a novice on this journey, a baby really, recently spiritually awakened and still full of wonder at this new world I never knew existed beyond Maya (or Illusion, what most people would consider “reality”). I have so much I want to share! I have so many adventures to recount to you and it’s just the beginning. I want to inspire others to take the first step, to move out of their comfort zone and face the fear.
Whatever it is in your life that paralyzes you, can be discovered, and can be dissolved with awareness.
As a blogger, I look forward to being vulnerable, to serve people, to share my ideas and wisdom. I may fail at this sometimes, but I understand that is when the growth happens. I’m not afraid to try. I’m not afraid to test the waters, even though sharks may be lurking in the form of critics. This is still my journal, and I can put anything I want in it, without fear.
I’ve always taken my knocks rather courageously, I’m familiar with the feeling of having the wind knocked out of me, on occasion. I am resilient because of it. I value that resiliency in life because it protects me from getting too cocky, too lost in illusion and my ego. It grounds me.
So even though I’ve gone horizontal, temporarily, this will not prevent me from getting up again. I see opportunity in everything and I find my courage, supporting me, like the best friend that it is.